Portsmouth are yet again in a financial disposition, so here is a guide to how the media like to portray these 'harrowing' times down at Fratton Park...(this is a tongue in cheek blog)
We start with an inevitable shot of a dark gloomy sky looming over a game at Fratton Park;
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| Dark clouds are gathering over Fratton Park, as they often do, as it's weather in Britain, and it's sunset. |
This over used shot to indicate a sense of dark clouds are gathering and bad news is coming for this club. The over darkening of the stands is another tongue in cheeky reference to how the fans are almost 'kept in the dark' over the clubs financial mismanagement.
Then we cut straight into a bi-polar sandwich of facts and history, starting with the fact we are the first Premier League club to enter administration in 2010 with debts of up to around £120m, a eye watering amount for a club with a small 21,000 stadia. Before getting on to a slice of positive action we need another gloomy photo;
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| Portsmouth up for sale, again, again, again, again |
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But for this huge amount of debt they have something to show for it, in 2008 Pompey won the FA Cup after pretty much buying a new squad mid-season (not that we fluked our way there, apart from that Man Utd game) and to the FA Cup Final in 2010. Quick time for a photo of the FA Cup triumph before the next stage;
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| Portsmouth celebrate their FA Cup triumph over Cardiff in 2008 with their newly formed squad |
But with big signings such as Peter Crouch for £12m and the departure of god-like figure Harry Redknapp to stuttering Tottenham Hotspur the future didn't look great, then Tony Adams took charge, and it got worse. Despite a dream 2-2 draw at home to giants AC Milan the club teetered on the brink and the big names were sold, for a hugely inflated price, i.e. Lassana Diarra leaving for £20m to Real Madrid, Jermaine 'I've got a cold' Defoe for £16m, overall by the end of the 2008/9 season Portsmouth had raked in a transfer income of £80m which vanished, but we'll gloss over this fact by adding another picture.
This was un-noticed by the supporters of the club, if I'm not mistaken are very passionate about the club, so they protested;
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| Grr I'm angry! |
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Life long supporters were interviewed as they conveniently gathered outside the ground, including casual latecomer and mega-nutter-pompey-fru-and-fru-geezer John 'middle name here' Westwood says it's all caused by the 'big men at the top', cue a nutty picture of him;
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| Fru and fru |
The owners take no notice and continue being crooked etc. An example of this was the appointment of Daniel Azougy, a fraudulent accountant (even convicted) was allowed to come in, rape the books, sell Asmir Begovic to Stoke and collecting a £1m up-front payment for him (gullible fools), he left the club in quiet circumstances before Chanrai came in.
Far into the 2009/10 season brought four new owners and managers alike, all perfectly innocent people, but they have no money or managerial savy! Until the 4th owner comes in the shape of Balram Chanrai who realises it's gone tits up and puts the club in administration and places narcissistic Andrew Andronikou as administrator of the club, here's a picture;
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| 'Yes I do have a modeling contract with Administrators GQ' |
Relegation befouled Portsmouth and even more financial uncertainty faced Portsmouth! Who knew? The whole dreaded saga continued right up to October 2010. In that time about 30 players departed the club leaving only 5 players remaining at the club, strangely some of the over-paid players such as Ben Haim who earns a reputed £38k a week! Savy-geezer Steve Cotterill is appointed manager to rabble a team with no money together in time for the season, here he is;
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"Remember lads, no attacking movements and long balls to Kitson! Sorted"
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On the 24th October the club came out of administration after agreeing with creditors on how it was going to pay them back, taking 20p in the £1 on the debt, making it around £20m(ish). So no more sad pictures of Pompey. Bad news for pathos photographers;
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| A photograph no longer seen in papers and websites alike, a sad day |
But after a mediocre first season in the nPower Championship the second would have a promise of playing bitter rivals Southampton and the investment of the new owners CSI. This paved the way of Chanrai to exit the club once for all, we'd hope;
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| "I'm leaving now, I hope you enjoy your fairly priced season tickets this year" |
With heavy investment in the squad taking it up to a whopping 17 players! Keeping high earners like Ben Haim and racking up a transfer investment of around £5m the talk of play-offs and promotion loomed!
BUT then it came crashing down in November when Vladimir Antonov was arrest for assest stripping Snoras Bank in Lithuania! I mean a crooked owner at Pompey?! NEVAR!
The 'operating company' CSI went straight into administration within days, paving the way for something amazing, not narcissist Andrew Andronikou! But GLOOMY SKIES!
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| Gloomy and mysterious, ooooo |
No but seriously Andronikou was appointed administrator of the CSI group and tasked with finding another owner! Here he is again in case you've lived in cave;
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| "Do you like my impression of Gareth Bale? I can do other impressions too! Available for hire also!" |
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David Lampitt expressed disappointment with the CSI group for what had happened and tried to reassure fans, but the see-saw of intelligence tipped into the knee-jerk reaction stage.
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| "Mate, that money wasn't yours!? Fuck" |
This leads to more precarious photographs of Pompey looking somewhat on the brink of a media journalists wet dream and when football fans either berate of use this as a crusade for football. Another gloomy photo, with relief but with fans;
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| "It's as if the club is a bunch of clowns to be honest mate..." |
The fans are reassured once more that there is suitable interest in the club and hope to take it forward Lampitt says recently, despite news of a £1.7m tax bill which the HMRC will come armed and aiming for the jugular this time. Bleak for those 'long suffering' fans of Portsmouth.
But this must end of a positive, for all the debt the club has won the FA Cup in 2008, finalists in 2010 despite being relegated and had a good selection of world class talent through the years. Some supporters are talking of AFC Portsmouth (which sounds like a pub team) the future could be bright(ish).....
Lampitt has said that we won't be selling any players in the mean time, it's not in the clubs best wishes to deplete their squad to a bear minimum, as I mean sensible ones wouldn't. But sensible clubs don't give the club to people who claim to have money but don't, wasting resources instead.
Here's Joel Ward celebrating after equalising against Southampton in December 2011
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| "'ave that scum" |
I conclude by saying Pompey buggered up with money, again, then buggered it up again after more Russians had dodgy money and got out quick without a problem. Thus leaving us in the capable hands of the devil himself to find us a new owner, and not Chanrai;
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| "So you've got my good side yeah?" |
Thank you for reading, I hope this was fun, as I intended it to be a little light-hearted in all the heavy discussions and news coming out of the club of late.
